I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
