take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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