pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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