if i died would you start the facebook group?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
