i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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