So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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