my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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