And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
