Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
two words: eviction party
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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