just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I believe in your delicious
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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