Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
