yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
