im having a threesome with these popsicles
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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