I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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