I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
