guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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