I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
