I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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