East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize