Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
