i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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