The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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