We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
