Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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