I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
