I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
