Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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