ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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