My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
