The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
