Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
