it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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