i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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