I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
