The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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