I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
