Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
