Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
