No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
