I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Are we still banned from the library?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
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Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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