If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
