I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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