Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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