he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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