She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
