why didn't you poke me back
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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