Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
