I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
