alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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