I cannot find my penis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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