I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
