After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store