You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
