i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just googled if crying burns calories
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...