How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?