Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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