Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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