this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket