Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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