forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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