What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.