The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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