Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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