There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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