It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
