oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
