it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
