My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
