Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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