It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
