Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
