Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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