hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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