There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
