He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize