Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
