even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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