im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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