I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
