Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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