ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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