this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
