I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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