Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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