doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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