hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
