he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
