I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
